Animals want to enjoy public transportation

Melvin Durai

It has become clear to me, partly through an incident involving two goats, that we are depriving many animals of something they would surely enjoy: public transportation. Like humans, animals love travelling. They love looking around at the wonders of the world, and there’s no better way to do this than through the windows of a bus or train. They also love going to new places, instead of being stuck in one place, looking at the same sights and smelling the same humans. If you don’t believe me, then how do you explain why two billy goats recently boarded a bus in the US city of Portland? Security camera footage shows the two juvenile goats entering the bus just as the automatic doors were about to close. They walked down the aisle and looked around before being shooed off by passengers. If the goats had a lawyer, they would undoubtedly be filing a lawsuit for discrimination. The driver, after all, didn’t even ask them for tickets. Nor did he ask them their ages, perhaps forgetting that, as New York Times reporter Neil Vigdor noted, “kids ride free.” Perhaps if the goats had walked on their hind legs, they would have been allowed to ride the bus. Perhaps if they had sat quietly in the back of the bus, looking at their phones, no one would have complained. The two goats had apparently escaped from their enclosure about two blocks from the bus stop. Following their attempted bus ride, a neighbour led them back to their owner, Lrae Anderson. “I couldn’t believe that they actually went across the busy street and tried to get on the bus and all that,” Anderson told The Times.

He added, “They got on like they’ve done it before.” Indeed, the video shows the goats boarding the bus as naturally as a regular bus passenger, which only proves my point that animals have a strong affinity for public transportation and we should try our best to accommodate them. We should have signs on buses and trains that say: “All animals that can fit through the doors are welcome to ride, except for snakes.” Trains should have special compartments for animals, with signs such as these: “Cow compartment,” “Donkeys only,” and “Reserved for reptiles (no snakes).” You may be wondering why I’m discriminating against snakes. Well, snakes do not need special accommodations. They already travel extensively on public transportation.

Unlike goats, snakes know better than to enter vehicles through doors. They climb aboard through the undercarriage, squeezing themselves into any opening. “Sorry, goat,” the snake says. “When it comes to stowing away, I’m the real GOAT.” A study by biologist Dikansh Parmar and his colleagues suggests that king cobras have dispersed themselves around Goa partly by travelling on trains. The researchers, who published their study in the journal Biotropica, consider this “accidental transport on trains,” because the snakes probably did not intend to do any travelling, as evidenced by the fact that they did not pack a suitcase. Not even an overnight bag. The snakes, apparently, were just looking for food and shelter when the “building” they had entered suddenly started moving. But even if snakes do not travel around deliberately, they do not need any help. The same is true of dogs, which do a lot of travelling, mostly with their owners. Small dogs are especially lucky in this regard, because their owners can sneak them onto buses and trains without anyone noticing.

(If the bulge under the shirt moves, don’t panic.) If you happen to see a dog on a bus or train, it will probably be showing more interest in its surroundings than a typical human. A typical human doesn’t look out the window much, but instead looks at a phone, perhaps watching an amusing video of two goats trying to catch a ride.