Learning how to stop fighting with your boyfriend/girlfriend is no easy task. Unfortunately, there’s no simple manual or checklist. Instead, it’s something you need to spend time working on, and it requires compromise from both you and your partner.
When you come home to your partner at the end of the day, you want to feel a lift, like you’re expecting to feel good. If there are too many arguments, you may cringe or get defensive as soon as you walk in the door.
Keeping that in mind, let’s take a look at eight tips that will help you stop arguing and instead cherish your relationship.
Follow this few tips:
- Understand that anger itself is not destructive. There is a vast difference between anger and rage.
- Talk about your feelings before you get angry. When you or your partner can approach the situation as it happens and deal with it in a safe way, it may not get to the point of being an argument. Most arguments can be avoided if your partner understands how you feel.
- Don’t raise your voice. It’s amazing how issues of hurt feelings or differences can be resolved with a whisper.
- Don’t threaten your relationship. And don’t take every argument as a threat to your relationship. This type of emotional blackmail puts the other partner in a panic/flight or flight mode.
- Don’t stockpile. This is where you bring up issues from the past to use as a hammer against whatever problem your partner has asked for help with. Deal with their issue first and if you really have unresolved feelings from past problems talk about them at another time.
- Create a process for resolving problems without anger. Start by each of you taking five minutes to state your feelings, then take a twenty minute break to think about things and come back to the table for another ten minutes to discuss how you think you can best deal with the problem.
- Don’t be abusive. This includes verbal abuse, any type of violence including slamming doors, breaking plates or hitting. If your arguments escalate to this level you need to leave the house. If one partner ever hits another a police report needs to be made and an appointment with a therapist is mandatory.
Stop Swearing
Arguments and fights happen in all relationships. But one of the fundamental elements that aggravate arguments is the use of swear words and profanities. While you may have inadvertently called your boyfriend an a**h**e or called your girlfriend a bi**h in a fit of rage or while making fun of them, these words may very well stick with them. After a fight, your partner may very well be thinking aloud, “Wow she called me an a**h**e in front of everyone” or, “He says he loves me but he calls me a bi**h. How rude of him.”
Look at Old Pictures of The Two of You Together
Looking at old pictures of the both of you will ignite an emotional spark and help you remember the good times that you have spent together. It’s one of the easiest stimulants that can get you to stop fighting with your significant other.
Remember the Beginning of Your Relationship
Do you remember the cute little things that you did to impress your significant other before your relationship started? Yes, we are talking about all the innocent flirting, touching of hands, the long drives, the romantic dates, and so on.
Take a Break
If you’re in the midst of a fight, sometimes it’s better to just walk away and take a breather—you don’t want to say something you’ll regret. Head to separate rooms and chill out with some TV or a book. That way, you can resume your discussion when you’re both more level-headed.
Spend a Few Days Apart
At some point, partners who continuously argue with each other may, in fact, believe that their lives are better off without each other. If you think this may be the case with your relationship, get a taste of loneliness by spending a few days apart.
You will likely realize how much you enjoy their company and how important the relationship is to you.
Remember Why Your Relationship Is Worth Saving
The easiest way to be reminded of how badly you want to stop fighting with your significant other is to make a short but hard-hitting list of things that point out why you want to save your relationship. It can be a silly and mushy list, or it can be a serious list of things that hit you hard.
Next, put that list up at a place where you can see it every day. Use a piece of paper or use post-it notes—whatever will grab your attention every time you walk by. Here are a few examples.
I want to stop fighting with my boyfriend because
I love him a lot.
I can’t afford to lose him.
I would feel jealous and destroyed if he started dating someone else.
Who is going to drop me off at dance class every week?
I can’t spend one day without him, let alone one week.
We make the perfect pair.
We’ve been through a lot, and I don’t want all the effort that’s been put in our relationship to go waste.
I want to stop fighting with my girlfriend because
I love her and we have a great bond.
She is beautiful and makes me laugh.
I have never had a chemistry with anyone as good as the one that I have with her—inside and outside the bedroom.
Who else will accept my idiosyncrasies?
She is perfect for me, and not just because she is hot.
Neither of us is perfect and I don’t want to lose a person just because I wasn’t willing to listen.
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