Melvin Durai
Imagine you are waiting at a bus stop, reading something on your phone, when a student walks up. He’s also waiting for the bus. You look up from your phone and notice that he’s carrying a chemistry textbook and wearing a T-shirt with the periodic table printed on the front, along with this message: “I wear this shirt periodically.” It makes you smile, and you wonder if you should say something or just go back to reading your phone. You are not particularly interested in the periodic table, but you decide to strike up a conversation. You: “Nice T-shirt!” Student: “Thanks. It helped me learn all the elements.” You: “What’s your favourite element?” Student: “Oxygen, of course. Without it, I’d be dead.” You: “What about gold? Without it, you wouldn’t be alive.” Student: “What do you mean?” You: “Well, was there any gold involved in your parents’ marriage?” The student laughs, and your conversation continues during the bus ride. He even gives you a Namaste before getting off at his stop. You’re happy that you engaged in some “small talk” with a stranger. It has put you in such a good mood that you find yourself involved in small talk with everyone you encounter the rest of the day, even the neighbour’s dog. Small talk often leads to enjoyable conversations and meaningful connections, even if the topic is considered boring, according to a new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “If people avoid talking to a co-worker at the coffee ma chine or a stranger at an event or a neighbor in the elevator because we assume it will be boring and unenjoyable, we may be depriving ourselves of small moments of connection that could improve our mood, our sense of belonging and decrease loneliness,” Elizabeth Trinh, lead author of the study, told NBC News.
Trinh, a doctoral student at University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business in the US, collaborated with researchers at Cornell University’s School of Industrial and Labour Relations and INSEAD, a business school in France, to complete the study, entitled “Conversations About Boring Topics Are More Interesting Than We Think.” The researchers conducted nine experiments in which participants were asked to participate in five-minute conversations on topics they had rated as either boring or interesting. The research found that the participants, whether talking to friends or strangers, consistently underestimated how enjoyable and interesting conversations about boring topics were. What makes the conversation enjoyable, the researchers say, is the level of engagement that conversations require. You have to listen and respond to another person. “Actually engaging in a conversation, being part of it, is what drives the interest and enjoyment,” Trinh said. What should we learn from this study? Well, we shouldn’t shy away from chatting casually with other people. While a boring topic may indeed lead to a meaningful conversation, it helps to pick a topic that the other person can relate to.
Here are three good ways to spark a conversation: 1. Discuss the weather. Everyone loves talking about the weather. It’s easy to start a conversation about the weather. Just say something like, “Hot day, isn’t it?” The other person will nod and say something like, “I can’t handle it anymore. I’m buying a penguin costume and moving to Antarctica.” 2. Talk about sports. Just make a comment about a sporting event, such as “Great fight yesterday!” and you’ll probably get a quick response: “Yeah, but I can’t believe Trump is fighting with the Pope.” 3. Give a compliment. This works really well because humans love compliments. While it may be inappropriate to compliment a stranger’s looks, you can certainly say something nice about their shoes, clothing, vehicle or dog. Who knows, perhaps a compliment such as “I love your silver bracelet” may lead to a very exciting discussion of the periodic table.
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