Having a baby is the greatest joy in one’s life. However, with joy comes responsibility for both parents. But at times, things take such sharp turns in life that it’s the mother who has to play both roles. She becomes a mother, father, friend and everything to her child. In managing her own emotion, she often has to ignore her comfort and aspirations for the sake of her child. Issues like a lack of a safety net, financial concerns and being judged make things only difficult for them.
This International Mother’s Day, Sunday POST sat down with a few such single mothers and traced their road to success.
‘Don’t forget your inner calling’
Being a single mother is definitely a challenge but time teaches everything, says Kavita Seth, a single mother and a playback singer who recently bagged a Filmfare trophy for her recital in the Hindi movie Jugjugg Jeeyo.
“On this Mother’s Day, I appeal to everybody to respect that human who spends her entire life after her kids, to birth one, to feed it, to protect and take care of it,” she adds.
Responding to a question how she’s been managing work and home, Kavita explains, “It is the passion for work that keeps the fire burning. It not only makes you chase your dreams, but also keeps you going amidst all the storms. It is always your goals and dreams that make you come back stronger and inner voice that constantly reminds you not to stop.”
Kavita requested that all the mothers be there for their kids to witness all the changes in them in their growing-up years.
“I feel the initial years of the kids are very important. But at the same time the moms shouldn’t forget their inner calling and happiness, because that is what will keep you going in your later life when your kids grow up,” she opines.
‘War widows are the role models’
Pranjya Eleana Valentina Mishra is a social worker at The Universe: Council of Cultural Growth and Cultural Relations (CCGR), Cuttack.
Sharing what made her bounce back in life after the untimely demise of her husband, she recalls, “After marriage, I became a homemaker but wanted to follow my passion for social work. So, I took a course from the National Institute of Human Rights and a course in geriatric care from the National Institute of Social Justice. My involvement in social services helped me battle the tragedy of losing my life partner.”
As a single mother, she has always tried to be unconditional towards her children, says Mishra.
A single mother has to become a package of ideal parenting. Therefore, she has to be strong too, she asserts.
When the death of a husband often makes a woman slip into a deep depression, how could she manage to bring normalcy back into her life? To this, she says, “I draw my inspiration from the young war widows and the women who took part in the Indian freedom struggle.”
Everything, following her husband’s death, was chaotic, as it was the first time she had to take complete responsibility for her family.
Narrating her ordeal, she recollects, “I was yet to overcome the trauma that I faced because of the numerous hospital visits. But I didn’t give up and rose to the challenge. Both my daughters had just joined their respective courses at the University of Hyderabad while all our savings were exhausted in my husband’s cancer treatment. We had to deal with the repayment of liabilities on our heads while dealing with grief at the same time.”
She continues: “I feel God stands by you when you opt to take on extra responsibilities in life, especially through harrowing times such as these. I am lucky to have very supportive, loving, helping friends and of course the caring members on both families. The journey of life can be a bit lonely sometimes but it is up to us to gather everyone around by appreciating them, their small helps and their mental support and I have been lucky to have had and continue to have such good people around me.”
On balancing work and parenting Mishra says, “There was no clash as such because my daughters were staying in hostels.” To provide them with mental support, I talk to them regularly about life, life’s mission, conscious living and how spiritualism plays a great role in our lives. My belief in God remains a constant source of strength with both my brothers anchoring our ship.”
Life still is not easy for her as she sometimes has to fight anxiety and stress since many issues are not sorted out yet.
Advising the young mothers, she concludes, “Life is very unpredictable. Nothing is permanent here. But despite all odds, we must remember that motherhood is a blessing. So, shower your children with affection while teaching them to be tough.”
‘Double parenting is now a thing’
Manoharpur Government Upper Primary School teacher Jayashree Nath is yet another single mother who still is gathering the pieces of life following her husband’s death.
She says making decisions about children’s education and taking care of finances remains a big challenge always. But by the grace of the Almighty, she has managed to overcome every hurdle in life, adds Nath.
Talking about the toughest phase of her life she recounts, “When my husband passed away, life seemed difficult but I never lost faith in God. But I had two children, a daughter and a son to take care of. As a single parent, I knew I had to play a father’s role as well. As I am a teacher, looking after the students and taking care of my children and providing them with everything they need are quite challenging.”
Nath says her daughter is her constant support. “She introduced me to the world of technology and has been my best friend all along. I’m incredibly lucky to have a daughter like her who is also my greatest motivator.”
In her message to other single moms, she says, “Being a single mom is not easy. I just want to say never give up on yourself or your children. Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak. As it takes twice the amount of everything to be a single mom, it means that you’re strong enough to handle things on your own.”
‘Life’s all about balance’
Her life as a single mother has been roller coaster ride, says Sony Parhi, a faculty in the Department of Journalism and Mass Communication, Central University Odisha.
“Sometimes I feel stumped, other times it is challenging to make decisions. I did the best I could, even though my efforts are not always perfect. The times the kids get sick are the most difficult times. Not to mention the financial issues as well. But I learnt that it is all about balance. The scales are not always evenly balanced. I erred many times. And there is never a perfect mother and a perfect job holder mother at the same time,” Parhi, talking about her vulnerability, confesses.
Her mother, brother and sister helped Parhi to balance parenting and job. It was painful to move to Koraput from Bhubaneswar in 2009 to take up a teaching job at the university when the children were still in school, she says.
“My family members were my constant source of strength. My children are my support system. They taught me to be techno-savvy. They taught me the importance of financial security. This apart, the simplicity of people at Koraput, my second home, inspired me to work hard to overcome the hurdles as a single mom,” narrated Parhi with gratitude while speaking about her source of inspiration.
For all the mothers and single mothers out there, three cheers!!! Being a mother is the greatest blessing ever. There are no rules or miracle guidelines to be a good mom. Do not be scared of making mistakes, she advises.