Have you ever dated someone and had that feeling that this is too good to be true? He is charismatic, funny, eager to fall in love, and seems to already be planning a future with you. But, then that voice in your head says “something’s wrong here”. Yet, you go ahead with dating the person because the other voice in your head takes over. The one that says “but what if it is true!”. Two months later the courting has magically disappeared and you’re sitting there asking yourself, “where did I go wrong?”. The answer? You’ve just been love bombed.
Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and a millennial author of the book ‘Love, Lust, and Lemons’ said, “Love bombing is “the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially to influence or manipulate them”.
Let’s take a look at how you can recognise these tactics right off the bat! Most love bombers use these methods because they seek validation. They also know that the quicker they get commitment from you and win you over, the lesser the chance you will leave them when you learn about their flaws. Their goal is to make you feel dependent on them and indebted.”
When your love can’t stop complimenting you and the relationship seems intense! according to Shivdasani, “While flattery builds attraction, these compliments seem a bit over the top. They think you’re the most beautiful person they’ve ever met, they think you are their soulmate, or they’ve never met anyone like you. The objective here becomes to make you feel like no one ever has. The key here is to rope you in and get you hooked. They want a lot of your time and it seems like courtship which takes a few months is jumping into a serious relationship very fast. What you need to pay attention to here is while most people would love a serious committed relationship, do not fall for the fantasy. How can you commit to someone you barely know?”
Any relationship should have boundaries that respect each other’s interests, preferences, and dislikes. Shivdasani offers the following advice if you ever encounter a relationship in which you feel that the boundaries are not being respected. She says, “They don’t seem to respect your boundaries. When you are out with friends or family they will constantly call and keep tabs on you. They are overly needy. Pay attention to this because this leads to controlling behavior, fast! The main red flag is when you notice the switch. Love bombers will either leave once they have received the validation they needed from getting you to date them or their flaws start bleeding into the relationship. Some of these flaws include fewer compliments and being more demanding of your attention and controlling behaviour.”
A love bomber’s approach to love is unhealthy and the truth is all the signs are there from the start. The best way to save yourself from this is the next time you are being courted by someone who seems like they might be a love bomber, ask yourself, why is this person so eager to rush the process? Pay attention to the signs. A love bomber’s favorite trick is to make you feel immensely validated.
Don’t let your need for validation be the reason you are easily manipulated. Find ways to validate yourself. Because, while fantasies are great, the reality is, you’re the only one who can do it!
IANSlife
