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SATIRE IN JEST THIS: Don’t make New Year’s resolutions

Updated: December 23rd, 2014, 08:31 IST
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Melvin Durai

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As the year 2015 approaches, you may be inclined to make some New Year’s resolutions and change your life for the better. If that’s the case, I’d like to offer you some advice: Don’t!

You’ll just be setting yourself up for failure. Trust me, I know. I’ve learned this the hard way. For the first couple of decades of my adult life, I made resolutions almost every year.  I woke up on January 1st with great determination to improve my life. I had written down several lofty goals, such as “exercise for 90 minutes a day” and “avoid all forms of junk food.” And by the end of the first week, I would evaluate my progress and realize that I had spent 90 minutes a day eating junk food and avoided all forms of exercise.

It’s easy to set goals, much harder to actually achieve them. If you don’t believe me, just look at some of the New Year’s resolutions that celebrities made in 2014:

Shah Rukh Khan: He resolved to limit his endorsement deals to no more than 10 new products per day. But by the end of January, he was already appearing in 500 new advertisements worldwide, endorsing everything from baby powder to tampons.

Salman Khan: He resolved to visit his hair stylist no more than once per week. But by the end of the January, he had lost count of how many times his hair had been styled.

Maria Sharapova: The tennis star resolved to read one book every week, stocking her shelves with novels by Alice Munro, Jhumpa Lahiri and others. But by the end of January, the only book she had read was Facebook.

Tiger Woods: He resolved to win two major golf championships during the year, increasing his career total from 14 to 16. But by the end of the year, he was still stuck at 14 championships – and just as many excuses.

Shashi Tharoor: The MP and former minister resolved to cut down on his Twitter use. But on the night of January 1, 2014, when he reviewed his Twitter account, he realized that he had already sent out 50 tweets, including one that said, “I resolve to tweet less often.”

IndraNooyi: The CEO of PepsiCo resolved to spend at least four hours a day with her family, excluding sleeping time. But by the end of January, she realized that the only way she could do this was by adopting all the young interns at work.

As you can see, it isn’t easy to keep resolutions. It isn’t easy to change your life. So what should you do? One solution is to accept you the way you are. You’re a unique person – no one else has your unique blend of shortcomings.No one else has your God-given combination of laziness, tardiness, absent-mindedness, shortsightedness, stinginess, nosiness, and helplessness.

So what if you’ll never be as slim as Priyanka Chopra? Sowhat if you’ll never be as prolific as Alexander McCall Smith? So what ifyou’ll never be as rich as Mukesh Ambani? At least you’re unique!

Another solution is to set daily, weekly and monthly goals. You don’t have to wait until the beginning of the year to do this. You can start at any time of the year.

It’s important to keep your goals realistic. Remember: small goals help you achieve big goals.If you’re hoping to compete in the Hyderabad Marathon don’t try to run 26 miles right away. Begin by doing 26 laps around your coffee table. If you faint halfway, don’t worry.
You can try again tomorrow.

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