Pragati Prava
The joint family system is built on a secure base of emotional support, as firm as adamantine, which is congenial for the holistic growth of children. Values and traditions trickle down the generations in a large family that is a cohesive unit as opposed to nuclear families that epitomise growing social isolation…
Sociological upheavals that resulted in the disintegration of the joint family structure in India are also largely responsible for the prevailing wave of emotional disintegration and growing isolation. In the modern world, with millions of families the world over losing touch with their roots and getting increasingly isolated, the joint family with its cohesive role as a unit of social integration has been firmly jettisoned. Ahead of International Day of Families, May 15, Sunday POST speaks to experts on the emotional vacuum created by the near-dissolution of the joint family system due to rapid and uncontrolled urbanisation and why the nuclear family structure is unsuitable for the overall emotional development of children.
Sangeeta Rath, head, department of psychology, Ravenshaw University, says a joint family runs on understanding and mutual adjustment and is best for cognitive, emotional and psychological development of a child. “The key to success in this age is not intelligence. Rather, emotional intelligence – the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others. A joint family provides the perfect platform for development of emotional intelligence in a child,” she says.
In a joint family, a child doesn’t learn to distinguish between one’s own brothers and cousin brothers. He is always in company and never feels bored. A lot of things happen inside a joint family throughout the day and a child remains engaged in those activities. In nuclear families, children are obsessed with their toys, laptops, video games and mobile phones. As both parents are mostly professionals, they gift these costly gadgets to children in order to compensate for their real absence. Children play with these materials which do not have any emotion. Consequently, they cannot relate themselves with human feelings.
Rath adds that fulfillment of emotional needs affects a child’s academic performance as well as relationships. When emotional needs are met, a child experiences emotional security and develops a sense of empathy as well as sympathy. Parents do not need give much time to teaching their children values in a joint family set-up; children pick up the values of life automatically by referring to the actions of their elders. “Also, language development, one of the most important factors behind cognitive development and proper brain functioning, is best achieved in a joint family, as the child comes into contact with a number of people and interacts with them daily,” says Rath, adding that in nuclear families, children are more likely to develop a narcissist attitude, conspicuous in the flood of selfies on social media sites.
Professor of sociology Anita Dash, however, opines that, in the present context, a nuclear family provides the best environment for a child’s academic and psychological development. The values of life are imbibed from parents and in a nuclear family the child gets more care and attention from his/her parents. However, in a family where both parents are working professionals a child’s proper upbringing is often ignored, says Dash, adding that both the father and mother are equally responsible for instilling a sociable spirit in the child. She suggests that one of the parents should pay proper attention to a child instead of leaving him in a crèche up to a certain age (say four years). Otherwise, a child’s development may be stunted.
“In joint families, grandparents, uncles and aunts provide love and affection and feed the child on time and the mother can rest assured. But this is not enough for a child’s growth. It is the impact of the personalities and characters of his parents which a child needs for proper growth. No doubt, in a joint family, a child comes across a large circle to socialise. But there are no substitutes for parents. A child becomes morally, intellectually and emotionally strong only through the direct supervision of his father and mother,” says the professor of Revenshaw University, adding that every parent should be ready to make a sacrifice of his/her career for the proper upbringing of children.
Sujata Nayak who lives in Bangalore raises the “small family, happy family” slogan. She says, “A nuclear family is based upon parental love and sibling connection. The relationships in a small family set up are straightforward. The system is based on the foundation of mutual love and respect.” That apart, children in a nuclear family get more freedom, which is important for their natural growth. In joint families there are frequent quarrels between elders related to financial contribution and property rights. Such daily in-fighting creates a negative impact on a child.
Roshni Rana Patnaik, a Bhubaneswar-based entrepreneur, says, “A joint family in which the grandparents, parents and children live under one roof is the best pattern of social living and is the most conducive to holistic growth of children and adolescents.” Patnaik belongs to a family consisting of 24 members and believes her large family has provided her the support and strength to achieve her potential. In a joint family, she says, one is expected to make financial contribution for a common purpose, share common rights and food prepared in the common kitchen. A child automatically learns sharing, caring, contributing and mutual respect.
“Whenever I attend a parent-teacher meeting at my son’s school, his teachers say he is the most confident and helping boy in his class. He even helps his friends with their classroom activities,” she says. “This is the impact of a big family. My son interacts with 24 members daily and when he first went to school, he did not feel uncomfortable interacting with around 40-50 of his classmates. The problem with most other children was that they came from nuclear families and faced difficulties to adjust themselves in a big social circle,” she says.
In joint families all the members come to the aid of one member in difficulty and a child gets an atmosphere conducive to the exchange of ideas on a regular basis, which is vital for development of brain functions and holistic growth, Patnaik adds.
According to Smita Sahoo, a social worker, social and emotional security is vital for proper growth. “A firm emotional support system exists in a joint family. It creates a bond between generations and helps to keep the family united even under adverse circumstances. Emotional support aids in the development of a child’s personality and motivates proper actions. It helps a child cope in different situations. Further, tradition and culture are passed down generations in a joint family,” she says, adding that the Ramayana and Mahabharata are classic examples of the joint family system which is an integral element of the Indian tradition. “It is in our blood,” says Smita.
